Nonparametric NL East

I like nonparametric statistics. Mostly rank statistics. And mostly because I can sort of make up shit and be relatively justified. So, I'm going to rank the NL East from position to position, and then overall. #1 gets 5 points, and #5 gets 1 point unless otherwise noted.

Catcher
McCann, Olivo (3.5), LoDuca, Barajas, Schneider

Olivo only gets 3.5 because he's a heck of a lot closer to LoDuca and Barajas than McCann. McCann eats rubber tires like licorice and shits gold as far as I'm concerned. I really didn't want to put Schneider last, mostly because I don't think he's as bad as he was last year. I mean. Come on. The fucker was on the US team in the WBC. Then again, all the fangraphs.com projections say he still sucks. I still say they are terrorist anti-America scum.

First Base

Howard, Delgado, Johnson + Young, Jacobs, Thorman + Wilson (2)

I see Thorman and Jacobs basically being a push. I'd expect both to go .270/.350/.480 with 20 homers and a good eye. Nick Johnson for 400 ABs and Dmitri Young for the rest really isn't that bad at all, and if Delgado starts to show his age the injury platoon thing could possibly outperform the Mets.

Second Base

Utley, Uggla (3), Johnson (2), Lopez + Belliard (2), Valentin

Valentin is liable to collapse below a .200 batting average anytime now. That fucker is ancient. Uggla will regress a lot, while Utley will be an MVP candidate at second base. Here's the problem with the Nationals. On paper, they have a lot of pretty decent MLB players hanging out on their roster like Felipe Lopez, and Dmitri Young, and Ronnie Belliard, but you can only put one guy at each position. And it seems they're back to Guzman at short, leaving a black hole there, and second base will be league average at best.

Shortstop

Reyes, Ramirez, Rollins, Renteria, Guzman (0)

I didn't realize the 4 good shortstops in the NL East were alliterative. Neat. Reyes is very, very good, and the next 3 guys could easily flip around this year. Ramirez is hard to predict, Rollins is good, and Renteria can always bounce back to how he was when he was actually really good. Guzman is a safe bet for worst position player of the year with more than 300 ABs.

Third Base

Cabrera, Wright (4.5), C Jones (4), Zimmerman (3), Helms (1)

Cabrera, Wright, and Zimmerman are MVP candidates not only for this year, but for 2008-2014 most likely. Which scares the shit out of me as a Braves fan. Chipper has his best years behind him, but when healthy he can still fucking rake. Helms sucks despite his good year last year.

Left Field

Alou (4), Burrell (3), Willingham (3), Langerhans + Diaz (3), Church + Jim Bowden's Left Nut

None of these guys are very good. Church sucks as a left fielder, while is pretty solid as a center fielder. Alou could collapse any second, Burrell should put up 30 HRs every year, but doesn't, Willingham could explode anytime, and Diaz hits .300 and Langerhans is excellent defensively with great OBP skills. The cobbled together collection of misfits on mlb.com's depth charts for the Nationals is scary bad.

Center Field

A Jones (5), Beltran (4.9), Rowand (3), Sanchez (1), Logan (1)

I don't believe the stats claiming that Andruw is no longer a very good defensive center fielder. He may not be too quick anymore, but his instincts seem to make up for it. He and Beltran are about the same offensively, but I give Andruw the edge. Just because. Rowand is overhyped, and the other 2 guys don't deserve league minimum.

Right Field

Francoeur (4), Green (3.5), Hermidia (3), Victorino (3), Kearns (3)

First off. You know right field is thin when I consider Shawn Green as #1 for anything. None of these guys will very good in 2007, but I give Francoeur the edge because 1) he can fucking hit when it's a strike, and 2) he claims to be "woken up" this spring because he knows he sucked last year.

Adding all this shit up we get:

Braves = 27
Marlins = 24.5
Mets = 29.5
Nationals = 14
Phillies = 25

No surprise to me the Nats are horrid, and the Mets are the best. I also figured a push between the other 3. I'll do pitchers some other time, but I expect the Phillies and Braves to fight it out based on the Braves bullpen v. the Phillies rotation, with the Marlins young starters making a push. And the Nationals suck.