NL East Pitching Staffs

WRESTLEMANIA IS ALMOST HERE.

Also, Shark Boy is coming to my hometown. I'm fucking psyched.

Ok. On to baseball. The rotations are from mlb.com

Rotation Slot 1

Smoltz, Willis, Glavine/Pedro (4), Patterson (3), Garcia (2)

I can't give anyone a 1 here simply because none of these pitchers are BAD. Patterson could easily outperform anyone here, while Garcia is probably a solid #2. I have no idea how much Pedro will play this year, but it'll probably be enough to "buff up" Glavine's stats into the Dontrelle range... that is, if Glavine will need any buffing at all. Also, as far as I'm concerned, Smoltz is made of beef jerky and total manliness and will pitch until he's 85. He will only quit then because he'll get into a man fight with Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee's Zombie, and Dmitri from Dillinger Escape Plan. The world explodes due to this epic battle.

Ok that was weird.

Rotation Slot 2

Myers, Hudson, Olsen, Glavine/El Duke, J Williams

Jerome Williams sucks, Brett Myers is very very good, El Duke is terrible, Olsen is a relatively unknown quantity with a lot of potential, and by God, Hudson is going to bounce back to 200 IP with a 4.00 ERA or better.

Rotation Slot 3

James (4), Sanchez (4), Hamels (3), Maine (3), Redding

Holy fuck the Nats are going to be really, really bad. The other 4 guys are virtually inseperable. All played half a season last year at above league average levels. Why don't I feel like Maine is any good? He performed just as well as the other guys last year.

Rotation Slot 4

Eaton, Redman, Nolasco, Oliver Perez, O'Conner

Eaton gets the nod here just because well, he sucks, but we know EXACTLY how much he'll suck since he's been doing it for a while. Perez could easily throw a Cy Young caliber year if he figures out how to throw a called strike, and Redman could also throw a solid year if he gets pumped because he's on a team not named the Royals.

Rotation (Everyone else)

Phillies (Moyer, Lieber), Braves (Hampton, Cormier, Davies), Marlins (Mitre, Johnson), Mets (Park, D Williams, Heilman?), Nats (Hill, Rauch)

FUCK the Nats are bad. Moyer and Lieber are solid #3 starters I supposed, so the Phillies win here. Hampton is probably a solid #2, but he's injured, while Davies and Cormier are barely #5's. Out of all these guys Josh Johnson has the best shot of throwing up a huge season, but I don't know why he isn't listed as in the rotation. Weird sauce.

Closer

Wagner, Cordero, Gordon, Wickman, Julio

Julio still sucks. Wagner and Cordero still rock a lot. Gordon and Wickman are getting old, and it's time for them to be replaced, but they ARE servicable.

Top Reliever #2

Gonzalez, .... I don't know.

I was going to break down the bullpens as far as: Closer, Setup, Setup 2, and then everyone else. But by God, other than the Braves, the bullpens are just...bad. Very bad. Braves get a 5. Everyone else gets a 2, except the Nats. They get a 1.

Braves = 29
Marlins = 21
Mets = 21
Nats = 12
Phillies = 26

I may have appeared biased, but this assigning of values thing simply probably isn't the best approach for pitching. There's just too much god damn variation in performances. And there's a bigger tradeoff for potential v. reliability (eg. Oliver Perez v. Lieber). Oh well. Braves win. That makes me happy.