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That's really all I got. Chris Benoit is insane. People still have no compassion for other people (read any fark.com comments on Virginia Tech if you want proof). And the video game the above picture was stolen from would be amazing if those guys had any money to make it. I'd play it. Every fucking day. Until I got tired of clubbing seals that is (but who REALLY gets tired of that).

Crispex out.

Observing humanity has left me wanting... to not be human anymore? I CLAIM ZOMBIES

Short post.

Over the weekend, it appears the Chris Benoit (pro wrestler and childhood hero of mine) went nuts and murdered his family and took his own life. As of this writing, autopsy results aren't back yet, so there is no 100% concrete story. The only things I'm hearing are from various reporters saying things like "We have to check our story to get 100% confirmation, but it's really disturbing and bizarre." Fuck.

I'm not a good enough writer to elaborate much on what I want to say at the moment. It's not that I'm distraught over this or anything. I never met Benoit, and it's not like I had posters all over my wall. It's just yet another shocked chapter of life where you learn about humanity. Not just from the accounts the Benoit was just a quiet, nice guy. I've mostly been severely disappointed by people on message boards throughout the internet. And these aren't your places where 14 year olds hang out. As far as I can tell, these forums are for college aged people and older. Lack of compassion towards human life is something I just don't understand, and watching these shitdicks around the internet making snarky comments to get some other shitdick to laugh is just.. pathetic, sickening, etc. They'll get it someday. I hope.

The Wanting Seed left me wanting to read something else, ZING!

This book was really disturbing and pretty much craptastic. I liked the last 30-50 pages, but the lead in was awful. Everyone speaks in this assbackwards British way and trying to decipher what the hell is going on is painful sometimes. Burgess pulled that shit off in A Clockwork Orange--not so much here.

Pennsylvania is turning out to be less of a hellhole than I originally thought, but it still kind of sucks. I realize it's commonplace and ignorant to complain about where you live, even if it is temporary, but I also realize it's commonplace for everyone to pine for home when you're away. Even if your home is Pennsylvania. And it sucks.

Since I still have the allusion that this is generally a pro wrestling/baseball blo... check that. I hate that word, so from here on out this "interweb space for thought" is going to be referred to as my "Crispex." Why? Because Crispix is delicious and they have that copywritten. And I like the e more than the i. The e is irrational, but the i is imaginary (and that's bull shit).

The point is, I should at least talk about pro wrestling on my Crispex because last night's pay-per-view was supposed to be a big one. I went in hoping to see Sycho Sid or Chris Jericho return, and at the very least a 4-star match from Benoit and Punk. WWE didn't even give the fans a grim reaper, and it all sucked. It was indeed a fun time, but the matches blew ass. I did meet a guy at the bar wearing a shirt that said "DIE ORC" and he talked about his pro wrestling club at PSU. I wonder what the odds are that he's gonna die a virgin.

About eleventy billion to one that if he doesn't, money was involved. Or furries.

A lack of cognitive thought

Surprisingly, I have been avoiding pro wrestling the past few weeks. This Vince McMahon death angle is pretty stupid and offensive. I think it would be epic to see him get sued by all the stockholders. Baseball has been good, but it's still just the dregs of summer.

Right now I'm working on this project that is only possible thanks to the wonderful fancy pants people at Minitab. There is actually a published paper floating around out there in published-academia-land about fitting Pythagorean Wins to a 3-parameter Weibull distribution. Well Minitab can do that shit automatically it seems. As long as I could get my hands on some stupid data sets... then we'd be lookin' at something.

1st positive fact I've learned about Pennsylvania since I've been here: PBR is slightly cheaper.

1098317th negative fact I've learned about Pennsylvania since I've been here: shitting in your roommate's bed is rarely a good idea. But I haven't learned my lesson. We southerners are mighty slow.

People are fucking pathetic

A psychology/sociology experiment I'd be interested in reading is why people do this.

I notice when a fan of sports speaks of their favorite team's performance, they tend to us personally inclusive pronouns. I have absolutely no idea if personally inclusive pronouns is even an English term, and I am leaning towards "fuck no", but I'm going with it. It sounds smart. Anyways, I'm talking about using the word 'we' as opposed to 'they'. That's creepy to me and here's why.

When the Braves lost yesterday and the day before, everyone on Braves sites are of course depressing and hari kari-tastic all over the place, but the most common phrase is to the effect "If only WE could (insert something about Andruw Jones giving your grandpa a grim reaper)". Why would anyone say we? You aren't on the fucking team, you aren't in the fucking front office, and you probably don't even cut the fucking grass. Hell, you probably won't even go to a fucking game this year to watch them in person, aka, there is absolutely ZERO contribution you are making to this team other than... I dunno, jerking off to their tight asses in baseball pants and somehow they know and that makes Pete Orr feel sexy? Well that makes you weird.

I know very few douchebags will see this, but next time you talk about your favorite sports team, please don't say "we need this victory", or "we need to dump gatorade on the coach because I'm a happy fairy". It's annoying, and you look like an asshole.

However, there is one and only one exception: international sports competition. The Mexican national soccer team represents a country, so Mexicans are allowed to use 'we' because well, they're all Mexicans. Other teams (except maybe European soccer teams) are private organizations which you don't have a part in no matter how hard you want to relive the glory days of your high school baseball career where you struck out 65 times in 25 games. Loser.

You still look like an asshole.

WWE Draft and POOPPOOP

So my brother bought an XBOX 360 and XBOX live. The first thing he does with Live is downloads a game demo. Pretty neat huh? It's Phantasy Gay Star Online something. Anyway, I think it's amazing and hilarious that the very first thing we see when he zones into this new fabulous online world is a guy running in circles yelling "POOPPOOP". The internet is awesome.

Last night was the WWE draft. It went down about like I expected. There were more big names moved than I thought, but I guess the WWE likes to do that sometimes. I'm writing this early because I haven't read any reaction to the draft yet and I want to try to remain unswayed. Yeah fuck you, I'm THAT nerdy.

Edge def. Cena by Countout --> Khali to Smackdown

This was kind of obvious. Khali had nowhere else to go on RAW after getting rocked by Cena. Now he'll probably just coast along in another high profile feud until his contract is up and he disappears back to the jungles of the Punjab.

CM Punk def. Carlito --> Boogeyman to ECW

First off, I was a little disappointed that a pretty solid midcarder match wound up in this pretty insignificant move. Punk and Carlito had a pretty good amount of chemistry going on, and they both sold their butts off. Good work fellas. But Boogeyman? I guess he can feud with Kevin Thorn or something. I liked what he had going with Kane though. They always do this to Kane. He gets something that works, and they fuck him in the butt with... stuff.

Umaga squashed Balls Mahoney --> King Booker to RAW

Balls Mahoney is so mistreated. I love Booker though. This could really work out well for his character. I could really see him coming back as a goofy face and rocking Umaga.

Lashley def. Beniot --> Benoit to ECW

Lashley still can't wrestle that well, but he showed some real power and amateur skillz. Beniot is still the man, and this move was way obvious. He was rotting on Friday nights, and he is the proud producer of one of the biggest spots in ECW history even though he wasn't there terribly long. He immediately jumps up into the main event ranks with RVD and....(insert).

MVP def. Santino --> Torrie Wilson to Smackdown

::yawn:: Santino still ain't much of a wrestler and holy shit did MVP learn from Beniot or what. I just found out a few days ago that MVP has a couple ugly ass black power tattoos on his chest from prison, and that's fucking awesome.

Snitsky squashed the Miz, but Miz won due to overdoing the beatdown --> Chris Masters to Smackdown

Masters was probably a sure bet too. I guess he now goes and rots in blue and white rather than red and black. Oh well.

Candice def. Krystal --> Bobby Lashley to RAW

And Lashley was stripped of the ECW title. I like the angle. Now Bobby goes to RAW and maybe the McMahon thing is behind him with both men coming out on top. Neat. The woman's match was horrid as expected, but Candice really isn't that bad anymore. I'm not sure where there's room for Lashley on RAW, especially if HHH and HBK come back by Summerslam. Oh well.

Batista def. Jeff Hardy & Elijah Burke --> Ric Flair to Smackdown

Wow. Batista fucking turned it UP tonight. Now I see why people still pop for him. That was pretty damn good. Hardy and Burke didn't do bad themselves neither. Flair is awesome and will be awesome anywhere. Maybe on Smackdown he gets a REAL push and holds at least one more non-Tag title.

15-Man Battle Royale won by Randy Orton --> Snitsky and Kennedy to RAW

It was kind of obvious that Orton was winning this as he was the biggest name in there. A few things are of note from the match itself... they bury ECW like crazy. Dreamer, Thorn, the Sandman, and Striker all went out way fucking early. That was craptastic. They had an opportunity to showcase Nitro and Dykstra, but didn't. Matt Hardy looked pretty good. But the definitely highlight was the HUGE pop that was given when the ring was cleared and Viscera and Mark Henry spotted each other. Now that was epic. Big Vis may still be a bit of a jobber, but holy fuck he's still scary. I need a video of that moment when he yelled and charged with his white eyes blazing and gold teeth glowing. That was a fucking moment. And Mark Henry just looks like he's ready to rape anyone at any given time, and then rip off their arm and beat... something with it. Anyways, Snitsky moving appears insignificant. They have been building him up for months... for this? Gay. Kennedy to RAW is big however. Hopefully he comes back with a HUGE push and goes right for Cena, but with Lashley, Orton, and Umaga crowding it up... I doubt that's the case.

Clearly the belt needs to come off Cena soon, and I think they know that. I also think they know that Umaga and Orton aren't really credible champs at the moment. Lashley would sort of work, but he's still green. I think Kennedy is ready. If they give him, I dunno, some real publicity and time to talk? Like put him on the Tonight Show. Introduce the world to him like they do for Cena and Edge, that would rock nutsacks across the world.

But the event that overshadowed it all was the creepy ending to RAW. The McMahon appreciation skits were GREAT. Bret Hart on RAW?!? The Iron Sheik speaks (sort of)? Rowdy Roddy comes back? Etc etc etc. It was pretty damn good and cool. McMahon's ending was so odd though. The creepy walk to the ring, then in the back with all the wrestlers who didn't perform tonight--that was odd. But the blowing up of the limo was REALLY good. I mean, REALLY well done even if Vince still can't act. WWE can still do special effects well, that's for sure. And they can still you know, pull a turd out of a hat and make you wonder how pooppoop came from there. I'm really hooked. Next week's RAW should be interesting.

Last note, the next ppv should be AWESOME. The whole "every belt defended" thing is going to be way good. Especially when they claim the main event is WWE Champion John Cena v. Randy Orton v. King Booker v. Mick Foley v. Lashley. Wow that's a lot of good names. WWE could either really rock assholes the next weeks to come, or of course, blow it and suck their grandpa's cock. We'll see.

Draft Joe Morgan to Hell

A word that pisses me off more than "blog", or "DublSoft" is definitely "video blogger/ing". Anyone with a video blog can go to hell. I probably don't want to hear or read your ideas in the first place, not to mention the fact that I don't want your greasy pizza face uglying up my monitor.

Tonight is the WWE draft. I'm pretty psyched about it, but I'm also pretty sure I'll be let down again. I believe the WWE could use a serious shaking up though. Things have gotten stale, and this is a good way to move folks around to make some room for new blood. Problem is... there is NO new blood on the horizon. When is the WWE going to get a clue and scrap Smackdown and make a niche show. I think a promotion with a classic WWE show (Raw), a hardcore show (old ECW), and a high flyer/athletic show (think ROH, or TNA before it got gayed up) would be fucking fantastic.

If you're a sports fan and you have a penchant for keeping your sanity, then the Braves-Cubs game last night was particularly unbearable. I didn't get to see it on TV, but all reports say Miller and Morgan were fucking ridiculous. I WAS listening on ESPN radio, and whoever those shit dicks were pretty much made my ears bleed. Finally I found the Braves local broadcast, and that was at least BEARABLE. Seriously. You would have thought that the home plate umpire shivved Lou Pinella's mom with a rusty icepick and then Edgar Renteria went out there and pissed donkey punched her repeatedly. IT'S A FUCKING BASEBALL GAME. People play rough like that for their whole life. I played second base, and I cannot tell you how many times I jumped for a ball thrown over my head on a steal and "lost my footing" and either fell on the guy or stomped his leg. Yeah it's dirty, and yeah I should have gotten my ass kicked, but you just... do stuff like that sometimes. I'm a fan of doing anything underhanded you can do in a game to win. That doesn't include things like steroids, because that's outside of a game, and that doesn't include really trying to hurt someone. I never stomped people's shit with metal spikes, or on the ankle. It was mostly just to pin then for an instant to prevent going an additional base. It sends a message; it gets in their fucking head. And I don't go back to Craig County because of that.

There's a Ring of Honor event in Philly on August 11th. I'm pretty happy about the new announcement because that means I'll FINALLY get to go to one. My brother's graduation and my childhood best friend's wedding just happens to coincide with the other 2 events this summer. Boo crap on that.

And for other wrestling fans out there, go search for Extreme Warfare Revenge. It's an incredibly detailed, thorough wrestling-booker-simulation... thing. I absolutely love it, and you will too if you like pro wrestling.

Office life is still fucking weird.

Win Shares

Seriously. I keep reading this shit on excellent baseball websites about blah blah bull shit, and almost ALL writers I consider intelligent will come back to Win Shares as this be-all-end-all statistic. I read the fucking book Bill James wrote about it. It's total and complete bull shit. It was one of the most flawed things ever. The book was completely full of faulty logic, rounding errors, and generally made up shit. I bet you could count up the times James says "roughly", "approximately", and "we'll do X for now (then never change it)" and have a big ol' shit sandwich with them all. I need to go dig up my copy of it, read the formulation part, look online to see if he ever changed anything, and then create my own statistic. Fuck it. I'll do it right now.

The Howard Coefficient.

First off, everyone knows walks and home runs are pretty solid raw measures of how 'good' a hitter is. So let's start with this.

BB + HR

But wait! I'm emulating Bill James, so clearly, since you only get to first base on a walk, and get FOUR bases with a home run, lets arbitrarily divide BB by 4.

(BB/4) + HR

Now we need to factor in the other hits! Golly gee, dubbles and trippels count two!!! DIVIDES EM UP TOO!

(BB/4) + (2B/2) + (3B/3) + HR

To hell with singles. They're just walks for the showy prick. So now I guess we probably should put some stolen base crap in there. I remember My Hero (tm) Billy claimed that something like 70% (approximately of course) of all SB attempts were sucessful, so watch this fancy pantsy statistical jargon.

(BB/4) + (2B/2) + (3B/3) + HR + (SB/CS)**2

I totally just squared that. I think it looks better that way... makes me look all fancy. Now to factor in defence, the way I was inspired to see it was that an error always gives up a base or two to the other guys, so let's just assume here that all errors a player makes will just cancel out their walks and doubles, so now we have:

(3B/3) + HR + (SB/CS)**2

I like the way this is shaping up. Oh I forgot. The Grit Factor. If a player is white and short, he's "hard-nosed" and "a gamer". So let's add that. PS--Fuck triples.

HR + (SB/CS)**2 + Height*Skin (Skin = 1 if white, 0 otherwise [-1 if you're dark skinned {0 if you're dark skinned but you have a cool name like Yovani}])

Remember, I learned all this from baseball journalism! Erstad and Eckstein are pretty much my heroes. Did I say pretty much my heroes? I misspelled 'what I think about during sex'. Lastly, I run this formula through my Bull-Shit-Fuck-You-O'Meter, and here's what happens...

WIN SHARES IS AMATEUR FUCK YOU LAWL ROFFFFFL

Well fuck. Back to the drawing board again.

Future projects

1) Batters and pitchers analysis v. certain individual pitchers and batters, specifically the ones that don't suck.

2) Research into "percentage of good outings". Example. Soriano for the Braves. Has a damn good ERA, but I know for a fact that 2 times he's allowed runs have been in throwaway games anyways, so that ERA is does not reflect his true value. Note: WXRL may already take this into account? Note 2: Check to see how LEV is calculated--it may make those runs allowed in 5 runs games insignificant.

3) See how reliable fangraphs.com's win probabilities are. Gotta be some shit that can be done there.

4) Run some regressions to figgur out what the most consistant stats are from year to year in small samples for pitchers. Try to go by number of outings, not necessarily number of innings. Relivers vary from outing to outing... not so much inning to inning when they get it.

5) Fuck you.

A wrestling note. Next monday is the draft special. Everyone and their mom and their mom's asshole is talking about who's going where, and everyone and their mom (but not her asshole) is calling that Beniot is getting moved, with Mysterio, Carlito, Umaga, and CM Punk being possibilities. Maybe.

Here's what I see. RAW is money. The end. As long as Cena floats around on there for kids to like, and as long as there are a few old timers like Flair, HHH, HBK, etc. on there, that show will be over 3.5 every time. It's the flagship show. I know no matter how shitty wrestling gets people like me will still watch it. Unless they change World Wrestling Entertainment to 'World Wbuttfucking Exhibition'. It's almost there anyways. But I digress. The point is, Smackdown is unstable, but that could be a function of the show being on a Friday night. I know I only watch it about 1 Friday a month. ECW is a shit show, with no REAL draws outside of Lashley. Sure, CM Punk gets ok pop, and Dreamer and a few others inspire nostalga, but they need REAL stars.

Keep in mind with the following that these are all possibilities, and what I personally think would rock. Usually, the WWE does shit I don't agree with, and then somehow pulls out a watchable product from what appears to be garbage writing. I thought the Cena-Umaga thing would be fucking horrible when it started, and it actually turned out pretty alright.

So here's what I think.

Umaga is going to Smackdown or ECW and immediately jumps into the title hunt. He can't feud Cena anymore (but the WWE could go that way just as a delay [rather than Orton] until HHH comes back to claim the belt). Edge v. Umaga would be an alright feud, but Lashley v. Umaga is already set up, and without McMahon interference could be pretty good.

Chris Beniot would be a great, great, great addition to ECW. He has the reason since he worked there in the 90's, and they have that sweet table powerbomb thing video to show to prove it. I'm not sure how you turn him heel at this point to feud Lashley, but turning CM Punk fully heel and having them fight for a non-existent mid-card title would be epic.

Jeff and Matt Hardy. This is a tough one. I think with them losing the belts on Monday that either they are going to team up on a non-RAW show, or they're heading for singles hell. I personally would LOVE to see them both shipped to ECW, where their style matches up, or send Jeff to ECW to feud with CM Punk and/or Burke. There probably wouldn't be room for all 3 guys I've mentioned so far, but it would make tons of sense to take 2 of the 3. If both are brought to ECW I would love to see a program built for an introduction of some tag belts. I think that's very possible, but the problem is there's just not enough good tag teams on ECW. Major Brothers, Burke and Brown, Dreamer and Sandman, RVD and Sabu, that's really about it. Hardys to Smackdown would be alright too. Them against Kendrick and London would be an epic new guys v. old guys thing. I think the point of this blurb is that the WWE has the most options with the Hardys. They are lucky to have them and it's a very dynamic situation.

Carlito and/or Chris Masters. These guys are lumped together because they're effectively in the same situation. They're both heels, they're both moderately over, and they both have potential star power in different demographics. If Carlito were still face I'd say to push him to Smackdown so he could fight MVP for the US Title, but now, I'm not so sure where to put these guys.

Trivia question I just thought of: Who even has the damn Cruiserweight belt right now? I know it isn't Helms since he's injured until May. Is it Chavo? I think it is.

Rey Mysterio is a guy that I believe is staying put on Smackdown. It makes sense to have him come back and immediately win the Cruiserweight belt. Plus they've been "showcasing" some big 6-man cruiserweight matches. I'd like to see them find a new tag team to mess with Deuce and Domino so Kendrick and London could go to the C-weight division. A field of Mysterio, Kendrick, London, and Chavo would lead to some epic battles. It would be so easy to do. Just have London snap and beat the shit out of Kendrick for no reason. London already looks heelish with his shitty little beard.

Cryme Tyme has NOT gotten a good push on RAW since the beginning, but they are definitely not jobbing either. I think the RAW article I read has them at like 9-3 this year or something. They are cartoons. Push them to Smackdown, break up L&K, and have them fight D&D. Their style match up. Two ground bruiser teams. I like it. Actually, now that I think about it, if Cryme Tyme is NOT shipping to Smackdown I'll be surprised. The way I see the tag situation shaping up is D&D v. Cryme Tyme v. Kane & Boogey on SDown, WGTT v. Cade and Murdoch v. Kenny & Nitro on RAW, with the Hardys being a wild card. There's a few others like the Brits and the Highlanders out there, and some random pairings, but I feel that would be the best way to go.

The following significant RAW guys are staying put I believe: Cena, Orton, HBK, HHH, Santino, Cade, Murdoch

Guys on RAW I wouldn't be surprised to see moved: Hacksaw, Eugene, Duggan, Venis, Viscera, (other HEAT people), Nitro, Kenny, Carlito, Benjamin, Haas, Masters, J Hardy, Cryme Tyme, Flair, Super Crazy, The Highlanders

Guys from SDown that are staying: Edge, Batista, MVP, Chavo, Boogeyman, London, Kendrick, (other cruiserweights), Finlay, Booker, Henry, Kane, Undertaker, Kennedy, Deuce, Domino

Guys on RAW I wouldn't be surprised to see moved: Mysterio, Benoit, Regal (to RAW to kick the shit out of Santino), Taylor
Guys from ECW that are staying: Lashley, Sandman, Dreamer, RVD, Burke, Brown, Striker, Major Brothers, Stevie Richards, Balls Mahoney

Guys that I don't expect to leave ECW, but may: CM Punk, Kevin Thorn

I'm pretty confident in all that. The only wacky stuff I could see would be to like, move the C-weight division to ECW as a sort of X-Division sort of thing. That wouldn't be too bad. They wouldn't even have to move the wrestlers to a different taping, but I guess it WOULD be live. I'm ok with that. Who wants to see Kendrick v. London v. Mysterio v. Punk in a ladder match for the belt? I know I do.

AND COLT CABANA NEEDS TO HURRY THE FUCK UP.