WWE Stuff?

This is going to be a rant/analysis (out of boredom) about the various storylines going on in the WWE right now.

Cena v. Khali

I like Khali. The problem is he can't work a match longer than 5 minutes, so then it's pretty clear that there's no chance of a long headlining program with him. But that's not the purpose here. Cena just needs to ride this out until another headliner comes back from injury. Good work Khali. Your big fucking Indian ass has a true purpose, and that's to be big, hilarious, big, have huge nipples, and suck so bad at wrestling you rule.

Edge v. Batista?

This is just starting but it really is the only possibility for a long term feud on Smackdown. Batista sucks and should choke on a cock.

Hardys v. Cade and Murdoch

1) Cade and Murdoch need a defined gimmick. Like the gay cowboy and the gay redneck.
2) The weird line they have going on with the 'noble heel' is really well done. Cade (and to a lesser extent Murdoch) has a real future.
3) Nipples.

Deuce and Domino v. London and Kendrick

The D&D team sucks about as much as AD&D does. Lame.

Benoit v. MVP

At least the belt is off Benoit and this feud is about to end. I want Benoit to go to ECW and do stuff. I don't know what, but with RVD leaving, it could only be awesome if he jumped ship.

Kane and Boogey v. The British, Carlito v. Flair, Santino v. Masters, Burke v. Punk

Sadly, all these feuds have either run dry or have nothing to them. The British are NO threat to the weirdos, both CvF and BvP have gone on way too long and are pointless, and Santino is just too much smaller than Masters to build anything convincing. I just now realized how much the WWE disappoints me. And then I get to drive 6 hours tomorrow. Fuck that.

ECW

As you fellers know, I am a huge pro wrestling fan. From RAW, all the way down to Chikara, I pretty much love it all. However, I am always disappointed by the "IWC"... Internet Wrestling Community. There are all these goobers running around, writing columns about various topics, and my general conclusion is that these fucks living in their mother's basement don't know snakes from dildos about anything.

Evidence. The article entitled Pro's From the Palace. His last article is talking about how ECW died with Vince as the champ, and also talks about how Tommy Dreamer's "reaction" on wwe.com was just that--a reaction, a shoot, an honest opinion. He proposes the idea that Dreamer is truly offended at this storyling. Well, that's possible in some sense I believe, but c'mon. That's ridiculous. Who pays Dreamer's salary? Don't get me wrong, I love Tommy Dreamer and he really was/is the embodiment of what ECW was all about, but if he truly gave a fuck about ECW he would have jumped off of this WWECW creation long ago and gone back to the indies. No matter what his true feelings, it's clear that he has sold out--at least a LITTLE bit.

I still say the first ECW One Night Stand PPV is the last glimpse anyone is going to get of the old ECW. Now it's time to move on and cheer on ROH. It's a new era.

My last thought is about the IWC again. This "community" really is full of gibbering idiots. The baseball community that I'm active in is smart. People put forth ideas, run some stats if needed, propose their thoughts, but they always...ALWAYS... say them in a way that shows that nobody outside of a MLB front office knows anything--we can only guess. The IWC needs to quit pretending they are backstage, or on the creative staff, or used to drink beer and snort coke with Sabu back in 1995. Give me a fucking break.

And my last thought about this post in general. I believe there are 2 successful routes the WWECW can go in. If they don't hit one of these on the head, then we just have another version of Heat, or Shotgun Saturday Night. 1) Make it the original ECW. 2) Make it another Smackdown/Raw. Now I know these are obvious, and I know EVERYONE wants to see #1, but come on. It's impossible. The original ECW was in front of crowds about 1000 smart people on average I'd guess. That's so small, and promotes energy. Today the WWECW is in front of arenas of jackass children and yokels. Won't work. So as for #2, they are on their way. What do you need to make a show/belt respectable? Have a good champ. They have done that for the most part, with RVD, Big Show, and Lashley. Now the Vince thing. Nobody really LIKES it, but it gets the brand attention. Vince went from the huge Trump Wrestlemania thing, and now to ECW. That will give it attention clearly. Also, I am enjoying this McMahon-Lashley feud a lot. It just has a different feel than the other shitty McMahon feuds.

But. If in 6 months Dreamer, Sandman, RVD, Balls, Stevie Richards, etc. are all gone and there aren't good replacements at the level of CM Punk and Colt Cabana... I'll have a hard time watching. A show will not succeed at a marketing level with just the New Breed, Umaga, and Lashley as their top draw. I'm pretty sure of that. But hell... WWE creative may fuck up sometimes, but they hit one on the head other times as well. Get to it guys.

Michael Vick and Football

Here is why I hate sports media and football in general.

It appears to be the opinion of the sports media and [most] football teams that a winning team is what people want to see, and in most cases this is the case. Who wants to watch a team go 1-15 or whatever with Andrew Walter as the quarterback?

This is where their argument breaks down and pisses me off. Michael Vick is the funnest athlete to watch in modern sports. The only other person I can think of in his league is Steve Nash (and Tiger Woods if you're an old fogie). All media I have seen is calling for the Falcons to dump Michael Vick. This is insanity. Even if the Falcons go 7-9, Vick will still break off 50 yard runs and other similar fun, insane plays.

I believe in the integrity of sports, but you are out there to entertain fans, like it or not. And when it comes to football I'd watch Michael Vick run in circles over the boring Tom Brady's of the world any day.

RAW In Roanoke

1) www.conwaytwittygivesmeaboner.com

2) Wrestling.

Today Raw had a house show in Roanoke, VA. This was my first house show in a coon's age--I went to about 3 or 4 also about 10 years ago in the same building. Here's dem derr matches and what I thought.

Carlito d. Shelton Benjamin
Solid opening match. Hit all their spots. Nothing of REAL note.

Eugene d. Dan Rodimer
Pretty bad match. Would have definitely been a good match for Alleghany High School.

Kofi Kingston d. Val Venis
Venis totally heeled it up and was totally awesome at it. He's good at that. Kingston is really hyped and is probably going to be the next talent to debut on TV, but damn he sucked it up. He had this super lame clappy thing, and was just... bad. He botched a fucking arm drag. AN ARM DRAG. My nuts can arm drag.

The Great Khali d. Hacksaw Jim Duggin
I <3 Hacksaw. He needs more respect than he gets. He's totally fun and awesome.

Cryme Tyme d. Kenny Dykstra and Johnny Nitro
This was a good match after two shitfests. Kenny and Nitro are apparently teaming up more regularly now. It's awesome, and Cryme Tyme is awesome and totally over. I wish they got a big push again.

Santino Marella d. Chris Masters
Masters is good on the mic, Santino was ok. Not an Intercontinental Champ... but solid enough?

Melina Perez d. Mickie James
Boring. Stupid. Waste of my time and my free ticket.

The Hardyz d. Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch
Hardyz are incredible performers. Everyone was way into it. Jeff is an incredible spotfest, and Matt is just a damn solid worker. Superb match.

John Cena d. Umaga
Total shit. Cena is awful and needs to be replaced. This match was totally the definition of "same old shit". Don't get me wrong... Cena has good matches in him. His match at the Royal Rumble, and on various Raw's as of late are proof of that... but tonight was "just another" Cena match. I didn't pop for anyone all night, except to boo Cena for being a horrible person to carry the WWE. Blah.

Then the total super awesome best wrestler EVER Khali came back and taunted Cena. I hope Khali wins the belt. THAT would be awesome to the max.

Then my car got towed by McDonald's. Reason number a zillion not to go to that fucking place.

What a break from posting.

I think we all know what happened here at Virginia Tech. Let's not talk about it here.

And Shark Boy came to Alleghany High School.... and stunk the joint up. Blah. Awful wrestling.

Let me throw a few thoughts out there.

1) The past Monday Night Raw was excellent. Khali is the bomb, and I really, really hope that somehow the belt falls off of Cena within the past 2 months. There are several small things to complain about on Raw lately, but that's the only glaring problem. Belts have to be exchanged on occasion in order to maintain their legacy. Cena has, in effect, held the belt for damn near 2 years. That's insane.

2) I SHOULD be completely annoyed by Vince having the ECW title, but by god, I kind of like it just for a) the publicity for ECW, and b) it creates a focal point for hatred from the Originals. And I like that.

3) HOW BOUT DEM BRAVES?! I know it's only May 1st, but damn they're playing good.

4) At first I didn't like the Ryan Langerhans trade, then I realized in non-fanboy mode that he is 27 years old and has never been better than a 4th outfielder. Sure, he has a fun name, but those pretty much grow on trees. Pujols. Hehehehehe.