The Wanting Seed left me wanting to read something else, ZING!

This book was really disturbing and pretty much craptastic. I liked the last 30-50 pages, but the lead in was awful. Everyone speaks in this assbackwards British way and trying to decipher what the hell is going on is painful sometimes. Burgess pulled that shit off in A Clockwork Orange--not so much here.

Pennsylvania is turning out to be less of a hellhole than I originally thought, but it still kind of sucks. I realize it's commonplace and ignorant to complain about where you live, even if it is temporary, but I also realize it's commonplace for everyone to pine for home when you're away. Even if your home is Pennsylvania. And it sucks.

Since I still have the allusion that this is generally a pro wrestling/baseball blo... check that. I hate that word, so from here on out this "interweb space for thought" is going to be referred to as my "Crispex." Why? Because Crispix is delicious and they have that copywritten. And I like the e more than the i. The e is irrational, but the i is imaginary (and that's bull shit).

The point is, I should at least talk about pro wrestling on my Crispex because last night's pay-per-view was supposed to be a big one. I went in hoping to see Sycho Sid or Chris Jericho return, and at the very least a 4-star match from Benoit and Punk. WWE didn't even give the fans a grim reaper, and it all sucked. It was indeed a fun time, but the matches blew ass. I did meet a guy at the bar wearing a shirt that said "DIE ORC" and he talked about his pro wrestling club at PSU. I wonder what the odds are that he's gonna die a virgin.

About eleventy billion to one that if he doesn't, money was involved. Or furries.

WWE Draft and POOPPOOP

So my brother bought an XBOX 360 and XBOX live. The first thing he does with Live is downloads a game demo. Pretty neat huh? It's Phantasy Gay Star Online something. Anyway, I think it's amazing and hilarious that the very first thing we see when he zones into this new fabulous online world is a guy running in circles yelling "POOPPOOP". The internet is awesome.

Last night was the WWE draft. It went down about like I expected. There were more big names moved than I thought, but I guess the WWE likes to do that sometimes. I'm writing this early because I haven't read any reaction to the draft yet and I want to try to remain unswayed. Yeah fuck you, I'm THAT nerdy.

Edge def. Cena by Countout --> Khali to Smackdown

This was kind of obvious. Khali had nowhere else to go on RAW after getting rocked by Cena. Now he'll probably just coast along in another high profile feud until his contract is up and he disappears back to the jungles of the Punjab.

CM Punk def. Carlito --> Boogeyman to ECW

First off, I was a little disappointed that a pretty solid midcarder match wound up in this pretty insignificant move. Punk and Carlito had a pretty good amount of chemistry going on, and they both sold their butts off. Good work fellas. But Boogeyman? I guess he can feud with Kevin Thorn or something. I liked what he had going with Kane though. They always do this to Kane. He gets something that works, and they fuck him in the butt with... stuff.

Umaga squashed Balls Mahoney --> King Booker to RAW

Balls Mahoney is so mistreated. I love Booker though. This could really work out well for his character. I could really see him coming back as a goofy face and rocking Umaga.

Lashley def. Beniot --> Benoit to ECW

Lashley still can't wrestle that well, but he showed some real power and amateur skillz. Beniot is still the man, and this move was way obvious. He was rotting on Friday nights, and he is the proud producer of one of the biggest spots in ECW history even though he wasn't there terribly long. He immediately jumps up into the main event ranks with RVD and....(insert).

MVP def. Santino --> Torrie Wilson to Smackdown

::yawn:: Santino still ain't much of a wrestler and holy shit did MVP learn from Beniot or what. I just found out a few days ago that MVP has a couple ugly ass black power tattoos on his chest from prison, and that's fucking awesome.

Snitsky squashed the Miz, but Miz won due to overdoing the beatdown --> Chris Masters to Smackdown

Masters was probably a sure bet too. I guess he now goes and rots in blue and white rather than red and black. Oh well.

Candice def. Krystal --> Bobby Lashley to RAW

And Lashley was stripped of the ECW title. I like the angle. Now Bobby goes to RAW and maybe the McMahon thing is behind him with both men coming out on top. Neat. The woman's match was horrid as expected, but Candice really isn't that bad anymore. I'm not sure where there's room for Lashley on RAW, especially if HHH and HBK come back by Summerslam. Oh well.

Batista def. Jeff Hardy & Elijah Burke --> Ric Flair to Smackdown

Wow. Batista fucking turned it UP tonight. Now I see why people still pop for him. That was pretty damn good. Hardy and Burke didn't do bad themselves neither. Flair is awesome and will be awesome anywhere. Maybe on Smackdown he gets a REAL push and holds at least one more non-Tag title.

15-Man Battle Royale won by Randy Orton --> Snitsky and Kennedy to RAW

It was kind of obvious that Orton was winning this as he was the biggest name in there. A few things are of note from the match itself... they bury ECW like crazy. Dreamer, Thorn, the Sandman, and Striker all went out way fucking early. That was craptastic. They had an opportunity to showcase Nitro and Dykstra, but didn't. Matt Hardy looked pretty good. But the definitely highlight was the HUGE pop that was given when the ring was cleared and Viscera and Mark Henry spotted each other. Now that was epic. Big Vis may still be a bit of a jobber, but holy fuck he's still scary. I need a video of that moment when he yelled and charged with his white eyes blazing and gold teeth glowing. That was a fucking moment. And Mark Henry just looks like he's ready to rape anyone at any given time, and then rip off their arm and beat... something with it. Anyways, Snitsky moving appears insignificant. They have been building him up for months... for this? Gay. Kennedy to RAW is big however. Hopefully he comes back with a HUGE push and goes right for Cena, but with Lashley, Orton, and Umaga crowding it up... I doubt that's the case.

Clearly the belt needs to come off Cena soon, and I think they know that. I also think they know that Umaga and Orton aren't really credible champs at the moment. Lashley would sort of work, but he's still green. I think Kennedy is ready. If they give him, I dunno, some real publicity and time to talk? Like put him on the Tonight Show. Introduce the world to him like they do for Cena and Edge, that would rock nutsacks across the world.

But the event that overshadowed it all was the creepy ending to RAW. The McMahon appreciation skits were GREAT. Bret Hart on RAW?!? The Iron Sheik speaks (sort of)? Rowdy Roddy comes back? Etc etc etc. It was pretty damn good and cool. McMahon's ending was so odd though. The creepy walk to the ring, then in the back with all the wrestlers who didn't perform tonight--that was odd. But the blowing up of the limo was REALLY good. I mean, REALLY well done even if Vince still can't act. WWE can still do special effects well, that's for sure. And they can still you know, pull a turd out of a hat and make you wonder how pooppoop came from there. I'm really hooked. Next week's RAW should be interesting.

Last note, the next ppv should be AWESOME. The whole "every belt defended" thing is going to be way good. Especially when they claim the main event is WWE Champion John Cena v. Randy Orton v. King Booker v. Mick Foley v. Lashley. Wow that's a lot of good names. WWE could either really rock assholes the next weeks to come, or of course, blow it and suck their grandpa's cock. We'll see.

Draft Joe Morgan to Hell

A word that pisses me off more than "blog", or "DublSoft" is definitely "video blogger/ing". Anyone with a video blog can go to hell. I probably don't want to hear or read your ideas in the first place, not to mention the fact that I don't want your greasy pizza face uglying up my monitor.

Tonight is the WWE draft. I'm pretty psyched about it, but I'm also pretty sure I'll be let down again. I believe the WWE could use a serious shaking up though. Things have gotten stale, and this is a good way to move folks around to make some room for new blood. Problem is... there is NO new blood on the horizon. When is the WWE going to get a clue and scrap Smackdown and make a niche show. I think a promotion with a classic WWE show (Raw), a hardcore show (old ECW), and a high flyer/athletic show (think ROH, or TNA before it got gayed up) would be fucking fantastic.

If you're a sports fan and you have a penchant for keeping your sanity, then the Braves-Cubs game last night was particularly unbearable. I didn't get to see it on TV, but all reports say Miller and Morgan were fucking ridiculous. I WAS listening on ESPN radio, and whoever those shit dicks were pretty much made my ears bleed. Finally I found the Braves local broadcast, and that was at least BEARABLE. Seriously. You would have thought that the home plate umpire shivved Lou Pinella's mom with a rusty icepick and then Edgar Renteria went out there and pissed donkey punched her repeatedly. IT'S A FUCKING BASEBALL GAME. People play rough like that for their whole life. I played second base, and I cannot tell you how many times I jumped for a ball thrown over my head on a steal and "lost my footing" and either fell on the guy or stomped his leg. Yeah it's dirty, and yeah I should have gotten my ass kicked, but you just... do stuff like that sometimes. I'm a fan of doing anything underhanded you can do in a game to win. That doesn't include things like steroids, because that's outside of a game, and that doesn't include really trying to hurt someone. I never stomped people's shit with metal spikes, or on the ankle. It was mostly just to pin then for an instant to prevent going an additional base. It sends a message; it gets in their fucking head. And I don't go back to Craig County because of that.

There's a Ring of Honor event in Philly on August 11th. I'm pretty happy about the new announcement because that means I'll FINALLY get to go to one. My brother's graduation and my childhood best friend's wedding just happens to coincide with the other 2 events this summer. Boo crap on that.

And for other wrestling fans out there, go search for Extreme Warfare Revenge. It's an incredibly detailed, thorough wrestling-booker-simulation... thing. I absolutely love it, and you will too if you like pro wrestling.

Office life is still fucking weird.

WWE Stuff?

This is going to be a rant/analysis (out of boredom) about the various storylines going on in the WWE right now.

Cena v. Khali

I like Khali. The problem is he can't work a match longer than 5 minutes, so then it's pretty clear that there's no chance of a long headlining program with him. But that's not the purpose here. Cena just needs to ride this out until another headliner comes back from injury. Good work Khali. Your big fucking Indian ass has a true purpose, and that's to be big, hilarious, big, have huge nipples, and suck so bad at wrestling you rule.

Edge v. Batista?

This is just starting but it really is the only possibility for a long term feud on Smackdown. Batista sucks and should choke on a cock.

Hardys v. Cade and Murdoch

1) Cade and Murdoch need a defined gimmick. Like the gay cowboy and the gay redneck.
2) The weird line they have going on with the 'noble heel' is really well done. Cade (and to a lesser extent Murdoch) has a real future.
3) Nipples.

Deuce and Domino v. London and Kendrick

The D&D team sucks about as much as AD&D does. Lame.

Benoit v. MVP

At least the belt is off Benoit and this feud is about to end. I want Benoit to go to ECW and do stuff. I don't know what, but with RVD leaving, it could only be awesome if he jumped ship.

Kane and Boogey v. The British, Carlito v. Flair, Santino v. Masters, Burke v. Punk

Sadly, all these feuds have either run dry or have nothing to them. The British are NO threat to the weirdos, both CvF and BvP have gone on way too long and are pointless, and Santino is just too much smaller than Masters to build anything convincing. I just now realized how much the WWE disappoints me. And then I get to drive 6 hours tomorrow. Fuck that.

RAW In Roanoke

1) www.conwaytwittygivesmeaboner.com

2) Wrestling.

Today Raw had a house show in Roanoke, VA. This was my first house show in a coon's age--I went to about 3 or 4 also about 10 years ago in the same building. Here's dem derr matches and what I thought.

Carlito d. Shelton Benjamin
Solid opening match. Hit all their spots. Nothing of REAL note.

Eugene d. Dan Rodimer
Pretty bad match. Would have definitely been a good match for Alleghany High School.

Kofi Kingston d. Val Venis
Venis totally heeled it up and was totally awesome at it. He's good at that. Kingston is really hyped and is probably going to be the next talent to debut on TV, but damn he sucked it up. He had this super lame clappy thing, and was just... bad. He botched a fucking arm drag. AN ARM DRAG. My nuts can arm drag.

The Great Khali d. Hacksaw Jim Duggin
I <3 Hacksaw. He needs more respect than he gets. He's totally fun and awesome.

Cryme Tyme d. Kenny Dykstra and Johnny Nitro
This was a good match after two shitfests. Kenny and Nitro are apparently teaming up more regularly now. It's awesome, and Cryme Tyme is awesome and totally over. I wish they got a big push again.

Santino Marella d. Chris Masters
Masters is good on the mic, Santino was ok. Not an Intercontinental Champ... but solid enough?

Melina Perez d. Mickie James
Boring. Stupid. Waste of my time and my free ticket.

The Hardyz d. Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch
Hardyz are incredible performers. Everyone was way into it. Jeff is an incredible spotfest, and Matt is just a damn solid worker. Superb match.

John Cena d. Umaga
Total shit. Cena is awful and needs to be replaced. This match was totally the definition of "same old shit". Don't get me wrong... Cena has good matches in him. His match at the Royal Rumble, and on various Raw's as of late are proof of that... but tonight was "just another" Cena match. I didn't pop for anyone all night, except to boo Cena for being a horrible person to carry the WWE. Blah.

Then the total super awesome best wrestler EVER Khali came back and taunted Cena. I hope Khali wins the belt. THAT would be awesome to the max.

Then my car got towed by McDonald's. Reason number a zillion not to go to that fucking place.