ZZYZZYXX, by Cinematronics circa 1982
Note 1: I'm not actually going to play 1688 games because some games require shit like guns, and still others have multiple records for the same game (like 2 player shit [like I'd let anyone play games with me, pfft])
Note 2: What kind of a fucking name is ZZYZZYXX? I mean, look at that cabinet! That thing is AWFUL.
I hate Japan. Anyways. This game looks terrible. Let's find out. Checking the leaderboard gives us:
| Variation: | TGTS [TGTS] |
| Platform: | M.A.M.E. |
| Rules: | ROMset = "ZZYZZYXX" Difficulty = "EASY" Starting lives = 3 Bonus = 10K and 50K 2nd bonus given = "YES" Starting laps = 2 Show intermissions = "NO" Extra lives = "NONE" |
2) Joe Perry 39,685
3) Robert Mruczek 18,820
Those look reachable, maybe. I should get #3 just so Mruczek gets displaced. What kind of an awful name is that. Holy shit.
Trying to launch the game creates the first horrible problem; I can't remember how to "spell" the title of this game. I seriously typed in 2 or 3 different things because I could get the game to run. I hate it already.
First Try: 470 fucking points. That was pathetic. ZZYZZYXX was more pathetic. The music at launch is classic obnoxious MIDI crap, the noises are ok I guess by 1982 standards. But anyways, this game registers a whopping 2 directions and 1 button. The directions are up and down, but I'm pretty sure the game only registers up and down about 50% of the time, which makes sense. Any team that forgets about left and right is bound to forget up and down sometimes. Time for try 2, aka getting my face eaten by bug looking fuckers.
Pre-2nd play note: I realized the game was giving me a back story a la Ms. Pac Man at the start screen. Get this. My fucking NAME is zzyzzyxx. Weird. Next, the goal is to run around this little area gathering shit like flowers and rings for points--fair enough. Thing is, I'm trying to get to a chick with this stuff, and if I haven't gathered enough, she won't accept me! How messed up is that. If I brave a moving labyrinth with death beetles in it to gather you a SINGLE FUCKING RING you better accept me back asshole.
Second Try: 1295 fucking points. Hey I beat the first level. My green zzyzzyxx guy turned blue... that was neat until he turned green again. I'm not sure what blue meant. Probably because he got blue balls because that girl would only let him get to 2nd base after only getting her a single flower and ring. Holy shit I'm funny.
Third Try: 455 fucking points. That try, 2 of my 3 lives were lost by moving directly into death beetles myself.
Verdict: This game sucks and is impossible. Never date a woman named Lola. She will feed you to death beetles. The end.
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